Good Morning, Good Afternoon, Good Evening and Goodnight

Good morning, good afternoon, good evening and goodnight.



This is the first posting from me - Wei Ai Man. Who? - you say. Well that is a good question and one that even I cannot answer sometimes. I am a mixed blessing.



This is a short introduction to me and my beautiful wife, Wei Ai Woman and a taster of how you will expand your mind when you hear my "Wails From The Dales". This will be an exploitation of 'beneath the navel' of the life and times of the people from the Dales. I use the word 'wails' as I am often reduced to tears at some of the antics of my fellow Dalesfolk.



Humourous? Well that depends whether you are a Northerner or not; and if you are you will probably experience a black cloud descending on those humour valves which may end in complete and utter failure. Northerners, for all their great and brave points do not like their ribs tickled when it comes to discussing the serious business of the North and the Northerner.



So to begin - I live in the North of Englandland. I used to sell used donkey carts in a suburb of a polluted Outer Mongolian city. This was a good business and I make plenty good living, mainly in special delicasy - Wind Dried Donkey which is very sought after. I diversified into alternative fuel sources and stumbled on dried Donkey Wee Wee Juice which I refined in the cellar of my suburban house. But Wei Ai Woman used to like to watch Neighbours too much and forgot to release the safety valve which allows the build up of Donkey Wee Wee Juice's awful gasses to dissipate gently over our next door neighbour's fence. This resulted in a large explosion and the loss of my livelihood.

So we came to England.

It was not so difficult.

Wei Ai Woman is English. I met her in fact when she was Teaching English in my city. She like my Wind Dried Donkey and it was very fast love. In fact Wai Ai Woman comes from from the Dales. She used to work in a Hamburger Van. Now we have moved back - she still works in Hamburger Van, but one that has air conditioning and serves Lambburgers rather than hamburgers. There are many sheep here - they have curly hair like my wife and when we walk in the countryside sometimes there is no major difference except size. She is worth 6 sheep.

The very generous British Government were most kind and implored us to come to Englandland, particularly in view of my business experience in environmental issues. I am still seeking alternative fuel for my Nissan car but as there are not so many donkeys I have turned to Sheep Wee Wee Juice and am soon to investigate rabbits. There is much hope for rabbits as their wee wee leaves very big stain on the grass and could be good for Formula 1 Cars.

As you see I speak and write good English. I have not resorted to speaking like people from the Dales yet. In time I will tell you more about me and my life, the place that I live and the strange things that happen here from the tear inducing life in the Dales.

You will enjoy my "Wails From The Dales"

Ta-Ra (traditional Dales parting)





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